The Art of Progressing and Whoomping
by RaspBerryStars
Summary: It's like working with a child, he thinks. A well-informed, collaged educated, future president of the United States child - Leslie/Ben


**Title: **The Art of Progressing and Whoomping  
**Author:** Me  
**Fandom:** Parks and Recreation  
**Pairing:** Leslie/Ben  
**Rating: **G  
**Summary:** _It's like working with a child, he thinks. A well-informed, collaged educated, future president of the United States child._  
**Disclaimer: **Parks and Rec. is not mine.

_**.**_

Ben doesn't think Leslie knows the meaning of the fraise "budget cut."

If she did, things would be going a lot smoother.

"I have no idea what you're so mad about."

"Leslie, I asked you to try and pinpoint all the waste in your department, and you put down _too much food at company parties_."

"_Maybe_. I said maybe too much food. It's quite possible that the amount of food at our parties is reasonable."

"Leslie."

"Ben."

"_Leslie!_"

"_Ben!_"

It's been like this all week. Ever since she became _essential_.

"But Ben," she pleads with him; again, "we need that food. What's a party without food?"

"The governments shut down. When are you going to throw a party?"

"When it opens back up!"

It's like working with a child, he thinks. A well-informed, collaged educated, future president of the United States child.

Only Leslies worse then a child. She's smart and pretty (_what?_) and knows her shit. Leslies like a robot model of a child; programmed and polished to perfection.

But a child nonetheless.

"I won't fire Jerry."

"You have to."

"Well, I won't," she says, crossing her arms and pouting.

"Leslie, you spent," Ben looks at his watch, "twenty seven minutes telling me that this Andy Dwyer and his shoe-shining business is a necessity."

"Oh, we need to keep Andy."

"Then fire Jerry."

Leslie shakes her head, "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"Because…" she pauses for a moment, as though trying to think of a reason not to fire him, "because he's so loved. You fire him and I can promise they'll be an uprising."

"_Really?_"

Leslie doesn't look at his eyes when she whispers "yes."

"Fine, then what about April?"

"_No!_"

"Dammit Leslie!"

They stare daggers at each other, both boiling with an obscene amount of anger.

As always, Bens the first to speak.

"We need beer."

"Yes we do."

_**.**_

It's become a bit of a tradition. Whenever things get a little too tense or heated, they go out for beer and, to the best of their abilities, talk things out.

They go out for beer a lot.

"Leslie, you have to stop acting like this. We're never going to get any work done if you keep this up."

"Yeah, I know," she says, looking down at the table as though ashamed of herself, "it's just everything's so perfect the way is it. How can I bear to change it?"

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but things aren't so perfect. Your governments shut down."

"Just for now, and things could be perfect, if we just move some stuff around."

Ben shakes his head; things aren't going how he would like. "Let's approach this differently. If you had to pick one person to fire, who would it be?"

"… Jerry."

Ben smiles, and takes a large sip of his drink. "See, progress."

_**.**_

"I hate budget cuts," Leslie says one afternoon. Of course, she says this a lot, so it doesn't have much meaning anymore. "I hate them so much. I want them to die and burn in hell."

"Alright Leslie, let's just get to work."

"I hate them as much as I hate… Frank Beckerson – _no_, the library."

"I… whose Frank Beckerson?"

"My mothers first love, until me and Justin tried to reunite them and found out he's a psycho now."

"Who's Justin?"

"My old boyfriend."

Ben doesn't talk much for the rest of the day.

_**.**_

Ben sometimes wonders what life would be like if him and Chris had been sent to another city, a city without Leslie Knope.

But truthfully, Ben doesn't like to think about. It makes him feel cross.

_**.**_

"Well, I'm off," Leslie says one Friday night.

"Where to?" Chris asks from his desk.

"Andy Dwyer's band – MouseRat – has a gig and a bunch of us from the parks department are going."

"Will Ann Perkins be there?"

"Yes."

"Can I come?"

"… Sure."

"Great! I'll go change," and (after ignoring Leslie's "you don't have to change",) he's off.

"You should come too, she says, suddenly turning to Ben.

"Ah… thanks for the offer, but I really should stay. There's still a lot of work to be done."

"Oh come on, hang out with us. MouseRat is really good and Ron's going to be there with his new girlfriend."

"Who's his new girlfriend?"

"Tom's ex-wife. I know, awkward. But look on the bright side, there'll be booze."

It does all sound pretty good, but Ben has to remember that he still has a lot of work, and the sooner he gets it done, the sooner they'll know what's a waste, and the sooner they'll know what to cut, and the sooner him and Chris will be leaving Pawnee, and the sooner they'll be leaving _Leslie_ and –

"You know what actually, I think I'll come."

Her face perks up. "Awesome! This is going to be so much fun! I hope they know your song."

"What?"

"_Whoomp, there it is!_"


End file.
